What tears me up inside is knowing that everything is unsure. Nothing can be taken for granted. That’s also the beauty of life- but right now it’s only causing me some major heartattacks. I don’t want to be a faliure. I don’t want to end up a sad alcoholic. I don’t want to loose. I want to win. I want all the greater things in life, and by that I don’t mean money or status. I mean love and babies. Somebody to rely on, somebody to be there for. To wake up with the same man every morning and think gosh I’m lucky to have him. To eat breakfast with him for hours. Travel the world, discover new things and create our own future. Being silly- driving too fast, singing too loud and kissing each other all the time.
Writing this makes me realise that my happiness does not depend on this math test. It has nothing to do with meeting him. He is an unwritten page yet, a hidden chapter. But one day we’ll come across each other, and that day I will cry tears of joy.